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So I've really been struggling the past few weeks.  There has been drama with my boyfriend, drama with my friends, and drama with my eating.  I just seem to have zero will power (what else is new) and I really need to get my shit together.

Last night my boyfriend and I broke up, which hasn't been very hard at all yet.  I had been planning on ending it for weeks, and when it finally happened it was almost a relief!  We had been dating for almost two years, so obviously I love him, but I know it is not what i want right now.  Hopefully everything will work out for the best!

Plan for this week:

- Workout every day for at least 45 minutes

- Eat less than 800 calories

- Blog at least twice

Sorry for the short post and my lack of comments on all your blogs, but it's been a really tough few weeks for me and I hope you all can forgive me!

XOXO

Lexi

BIKINI TIME

Lets start with intake..  So far today I've had half of one 12oz. iced coffee (60 cals for whole 12oz.) and two roma tomatoes with lemon pepper (35 cals each).  So my total intake is 135 so far, with a little wiggle room since I only drake half of the coffee.  I'm hoping that I can stick it out and not eat anything else the rest of the day, and also squeeze in a workout on the elliptical sometime!

Tomorrow I leave for my friends lake house with a group of my closest guy and girl friends.  This means lots of boating, food, and *gasp* bikinis!  I'm incredibly nervous to be in a bikini in front of all my skinny friends and our cute guy friends.  I'm also nervous for the amount of food that I will be presented with and whether I will be able to keep from bingeing.  Hopefully with the thought of being in a bikini will keep me from over eating.  It would really help me to have an Ana texting buddy!  If anyone is interested, email me at thinstrongana@gmail.com and we can keep each other away from food and maintain control!

Today has been super productive!  I've gotten so many things done today that I am feeling very accomplished.  I think it all goes back to that control issue.  My association between being productive and control relates to my connection between food and control.  That is why I've been able to stay out of the kitchen, even though I've been home all day! :)

Wish me luck on my trip!  Hope I can manage to keep food away from me so I can look thin and beautiful!!

Be sure to comment!  I love hearing from all of you!

Think thin lovelies!

xoxo Lexi

SORRY!

Girls, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I have not blogged in so long!  I have been insanely busy with graduation and end-of-school-year stuff!  Finally things are winding down and I can begin to focus on Ana and staying on track with weight loss and control.

Now that school is over, I am going to wake up early and work out daily.  Also, I have become a pro at making iced coffee, and I have to say that it has become my new addiction!  Even if I indulge in my favorite iced latte with sugar free syrup, it only has 60 cals!  It is incredible how that little drink can fill me up completely, and give me enough of a caffeine kick to keep me motivated to stay on track all day!  I am in love with a drink!!!! :)

Since work has started for the summer, I will have more money!  This is definitely very important in the part of my summer goal that involves changing my clothing style.  I've already begun to invest in some new clothing articles that incorporate the new style I am working towards!  Also, I have found that accessories are truly what makes an outfit great.  Earrings, bangles, necklaces, etc. have become another new obsession!

I have a lot of work to do before I will be close to my goal weight, but with vigilance and the support of you all I know I can do it!  I know WE can do it!!

Leave comments!!

Keep on starving girlies!

xoxo Lexi

Terrible

This will probably be short, because I am updating from the library and I will need to get back to class soon!  Lately I have just truly been awful.  I have been on a constant binge all week, and it needs to stop NOW.  I have just been so stressed out and I feel like I have lost control of literally everything in my life.  My boyfriend and I are on the brink of breaking up, I'm struggling to keep my grades up, and I am having troubles with my job and my schedule.  I seriously do not know what to do, and I really wish that I could regain control at least of my eating!

This weekend will be extremely crazy, but I really need to stay strong and be in control.  That really is all I need (and a lower number on the scale).  I guess I will have to be truly dedicated and motivated to maintain control, but hopefully I can do it!

I really enjoy reading everyone's blogs!  It really gives me motivation and hope that I can regain control of my life and my eating.  Please say an Ana prayer for me as I try to stop this binge habit immediately!!!

Hopefully tonight I can fit in a workout and also control my eating!!

Love to you all girlies!

xoxoxo Lexi

Summer Challenge 2009

Thanks to PrettyWreck for the Summer Challenge 2009!  Check it out and join in the fun! :]

Age: 18

Current Weight:  143 lbs

Goal Weight Loss:  109 by August 9th (34 lbs!)

Personal Goal:  To go to college as a new woman!  This includes eating habits, body appearance, wardrobe, figuring out who my true friends are, interaction with boys, and attitude!!

Biggest Challenges:  Not having binge days or periods.  Regaining control after a minor cheat.  Working out everyday, and maintaining constant control of what I put into my body. 

Question For Week #1:

HOLY SHIT! YOU CAUGHT A LEPRECHAUN!Instead of gold, he gives you a choice. You can either:
A) Be forever the weight of your dreams, and never have to worry about gaining a pound or
B) Be the richest person in the world, and your money will never run out
What do you choose?

Honestly? Probably A.  I can always work for money and I really am comfortable with my life the way it is!  Being my dream weight would allow me to be more confident and focused on making money and pursuing the career of my dreams to match my body! :)

short

This will be a super short post..

Okay so I have been awful lately.  But today after a long talk with my boyfriend, he has decided to support me in my quest for a better body (although he doesnt know about ana).  I have been looking into doing a Blueprint Cleanse (www.blueprintcleanse.com).  I have heard that it gives you incredible results and that your body craves the gym and only healthy foods afterwards.  My plan is to loose weight by eating extremely healthy and working out daily, and then the last week of May do the Blueprint Cleanse right before my summer trip with my friends.  Hopefully I can be strong for the time leading up to the cleanse!

More tomorrow probably!

Love you!

xoxox

:: Ten Day Fast ::

Today was terrible.  I was weak and gave into peer pressure.  If only I had made up an excuse or a valid reason why I couldn't eat.  Instead I have another wasted day without any progress.

Tomorrow starts a 10 day fast until prom.  This one MUST be successful.  I need to look HOT and thin in my prom dress.  I will be working out rigorously every day, and eating no solid food besides the occasional 1/4 of an apple or such.  Hopefully by the middle of next week I will be able to do a saltwater flush!  Anyone else want to join?  I would love to have others with me so I stay on top of it!  If more people want to do it, we can set out some guidelines that are more strict.

Since today was terrible, I feel as though I am not as strong as I thought.  The problem really begins when that first morsel of food enters my mouth.  As long as I don't even allow myself to start eating, I can prevent a binge.

Easier said than done.

Well, I'm off to bed!

Sweet dreams girlies!

xoxo

Lexi

Going strong!

So far today I have been very good!  All I've had today is a black coffee (4 cals) and a Celcius energy drink (5 cals, but claims to burn at least 100!).  Otherwise just water, so overall no more than 10 calories!  Hopefully I can continue the same thing tomorrow!

I really need to start working out.  I used to be so good about working out every morning, but I have been making excuses for myself for the past few weeks.  Starting tomorrow I will be working out every morning, no matter how tired or bad I feel.  I WILL WORKOUT!  I WILL I WILL I WILL!

I have decided that for every check point weight, I will reward myself with something that I want, so here are my check point weights and the tentative rewards:

130 lbs - Motivation clothes (clothes in size small and x-small to motivate me to fit into them!)

120 lbs - Belly button ring

115 lbs - ?

Hopefully if I can continue to maintain control and if I start to workout regularly, I will be able to reach 115 by summer!  I need to make sure that I'm working out and toning up my muscles so that I don't get that "skinny-fat" look!  I want to lose around 25 pounds in a little over a month, so I will have to be extremely controlled if I have any hope of reaching it!

I really enjoy reading everyone's blogs!  I feel like I'm really getting to know you all, and I just love hearing about everyone's lives!  I'll try to comment more often so you all know that I'm reading your blogs!

Well, time for bed because I'm waking up early to WORK OUT!

Night lovelies!

Lexi

ADVICE NEEDED

Okay so starting tomorrow I go hardcore fasting.  I am too close to bikini season to break down and binge.  Here is my plan for the next few weeks.

NO MORE than 100 food calories a day.

ONLY foods that are completely fresh, natural, or organic.

NO starches, white bread, pasta, etc.

ZERO sugar (with exception of natural sugar from fruits).

WORKOUT for at least an hour each day.

I plan to liquid fast as often as possible, and water fast at least one day a week.

HERE IS WHERE YOUR ADVICE IS NEEDED:

1.  What other guidelines do you have for fasting to get the fastest and most consistent results possible?

2.  What advice do you have to help prevent bingeing/tips to stay on track?

3.  If I am planning on buying new bras in the future, how much do you think my boobs will shrink/change by the time I reach my goal weight?  Should I just wait to buy new bras until I've lost most of the weight?

Please comment back and let me know what you think!  Thanks so much ladies!

Love you all! xoxo

Lexi

BiRTHDAY :)

Sorry for not posting for awhile, but I really was in a funk for awhile there and just didn't think I could write in here while I was drifting so far off the path...

Anyways, this week I have been very good!  Typically only one meal a day, but often that meal consisted mostly of carbs which I will have to change next week.  I have found that if I wear comfy clothes, I binge more often than I do if I put more effort into my appearance.  Taking extra time to do my hair and makeup makes me strive for a cute body to match!

You probably figured this out from the title of this entry, but tomorrow is my birthday!! :)  Tonight is when I celebrate with my boyfriend, and I am so excited because I know he spoiled me rotten!  We are planning to go out to dinner, but I've already checked out the nutrition info of the restaurant we're going to, and I can get by with only eating 250 calories if i order a small salad with dressing on the side, grilled chicken, and eat precisely HALF of each.  *If you choose to eat a meal, eat no more than half of each item.  You still are able to enjoy the meal but still maintain control and consume less calories!*

Inspired by proanaquest.blogspot.com I have decided to make a list of reasons why I NEED to be thin.

1.  Summer is less than 2 months away, and I don't want to be the fat cow in front of all of my skinny friends.  I want to be the skinniest of them all!

2.  Look cute with my belly button pierced.

3.  My mom will stop harassing me about my eating habits and finally tell me that I my body looks good.

4.  Boys can pick me up and say "Oh wow, you're so light!"

5.  My clothes will look stunning on me and people will constantly tell me how good I look.

6.  I will no longer be jealous of A (one of my friends) and her perfect body, because mine will be better.

I also liked a quote from this blog that says:

"There will always be another oreo, another bowl of cereal, another casserole. I do not have to eat it now. It will just make me fat."

Great mantra to repeat to stop a binge!

Well ladies, I will try to post tomorrow or Sunday and let you know how I held up with all the birthday food I'm bound to get.  Isn't it ironic how celebration often focuses around food, and yet for us Pro Ana girls starving is a cause for celebration!

Leave comments!  I'll try to comment on some blogs today to let you all know how inspired I am by you guys!

Think thin!

xoxo

Up and Down

Why can't it be easy?  And why must I be the worst?

Seriously can't even describe the past two days.  I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, and i've binged both days.  Lets just say I hate myself right now.

Yesterday, I was doing great until lunch.  I don't know why lunch has triggered me today and yesterday, but it must stop.  I ate a turkey sandwich, a rice krispy bar, and two spoonfuls of ice cream.  UGH!  Then today I had a pop-tart (those are the absolute worst things for you.  Practically 500 calories in two little bland pastries!), a muffin, and chex mix.  WHY MUST I ALWAYS RUIN A GOOD THING?!

I honestly do not understand why I sabotage myself.  In my brain I think about how I don't need the food and how I know it won't even taste that great after the first two bites, and yet I still feel the need to stuff myself full of empty calories.  Then worst of all, I feel sick from eating so much and then make myself throw up.  I hate purging.

To top it all off, I have been on the brink of tears for the past 24 hours for no apparent reason!  Don't get me wrong.. I have reasons.  But I usually do not cry easily over things, especially things that I know I am blowing out of proportion.

To sum it all up...  I am weak.

The plan for the rest of the day is zero calories.  Only water for me.  And tomorrow, only water and tea all day.  Friday will be difficult because my family is going to a show downtown, which usually means dinner beforehand.  Maybe I can make up an excuse to meet them after dinner.  Hmmm...

Wish me luck on the rest of my day!

Love and Strength,

xoxo

Life is a cup of tea

The fast today has gone fairly well. Only tea for breakfast (0 cals), a non-fat sugar free latte for lunch (100 cals), and a little bit of soup for dinner (70 cals, only because of my mother's insistence at family dinner. ugh!). I drank much water between these drinks, but I know i should be drinking more. Can't get dehydrated!!

Today I went out an bought four different kinds of tea (I went a little crazy). I bought green tea with pomegranite, oolong, and both fasting and cleansing tea by yogi tea. The fasting tea is supposed to suppress appetite and promote weight loss, so I'm very anxious to try it! Oolong tea is also very beneficial for weight loss. Hopefully having the option for the different teas will help during these liquid fasts!

Tomorrow my boyfriend and I start running... Wish me luck! I absolutely hate running, but maybe having my boyfriend there will motivate me to get better at it! Otherwise I'll just stick with the elliptical for my workouts!

Sweet dreams darlings!
xoxo

Weekends

I've done some thinking, and I think i've figured out many of my binge triggers. The biggest one would probably have to be my kitchen. My kitchen seems to bring out the weakness in my willpower, and if I spend more than five minutes in there I always seem to find a reason to eat.

Another trigger is emotional eating. If I'm sad, angry, upset, bored, or any other negative emotion I use that as a valid reason to binge.

Lastly, when I hang out with my boyfriend I can never seem to say no when he offers me food! I'm guessing it's just because I'm so comfortable with him that I don't fear food when he's eating with me.

All of these situations need to be avoided at all costs! I have informed my boyfriend that we both need to make a concious effort to eat healthy together. Little does he know that I will be eating next to nothing at all!

This week will be a fasting week. Monday, tuesday, and wednesday will be liquid fast days. I will try to keep my calorie intake to under 150 calories in liquid. Also, it is critical that I work out in the mornings to jump start my motivation and my metabolism! Working out in the morning always seems to help my will power!

Well, off to bed! I really need to start going to bed earlier...

Night loves! Xoxo

Beginning

At a mere 5' 2" and weighing a ghastly 142 lbs, I have reached a breaking point.  Throughout the past year I have flirted with Ana many times, but each time my loving (but nosy) friends have taken notice and made a severe effort to make sure I was eating.  This time will be different.

School is the best time for my starvation.  With classes to distract me, it is easy to refrain from eating anything at all.  The difficulty comes at night when my kitchen pantry calls to me.  I must be strong.  I must.

With the summer rapidly approaching, it is NECESSARY that I get my weight down by June.  That is only 2 months away!  My ultimate goal is 113, but it will be nearly impossible to reach that by June.  I can only hope that my will power can get me as close to my goal as possible.